If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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