I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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