I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
