you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
