Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
