yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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