never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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