I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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