Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
