Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
