I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
