He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
