I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
