hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
