Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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