Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
