we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
