no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize