i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
