he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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