I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My vagina is officially offended.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize