His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize