I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So many bounce houses so little time
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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