Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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