just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
