ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
