You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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