he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
