i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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