My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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