he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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