I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
