Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize