maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
