so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
