Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize