shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
