the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
