So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wear drunk well.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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