Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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