that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
