k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize