my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
