Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
