Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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