she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
