So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
