He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
