meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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