I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
