her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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