When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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