how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
