Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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