sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
