fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
