We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
