I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
