Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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