You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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