shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I want to stick my p in your. b.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
