Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
