your room smells of hookers.
And success
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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