I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
