When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
