Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
