If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
