Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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