I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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