I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I FOUND THE LEGS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
