Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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