Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
