all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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