the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize