I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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