y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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