Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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