She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
