I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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