if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
