I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
