I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
