i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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