And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
