Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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