Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
