saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
