the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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