I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
