last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
3pm strippers are depressing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
